On my birthday, I stopped my suicide by…
simply going off the grid. Literally, going far away from home or at a place I felt lonely and a situation that could consume me beyond any redo.
Few days before my birthday date, depression of mine hit home. Like a home run in a game, perfectly done. It was rock solid and nowhere near I could overcome but I remain steady, face up to the people that I faced into, day after day, night after night. I am proud for myself, for keeping it real professional but I might say it was hard, every single time.
I don’t want to go thru on what I’ve plan on killing myself on my birthday. It was shabby, truly horrible, maybe unimagineable or simply painful. But the plan was there, very clear and solid.
On my birthday, my mom and dad was going to hike to the summit. I have to go. Not to follow them but simply send them to the places they need to go, put them there, making sure everything secure and fine and start my journey to Kota Kinabalu.
So I filled up my tank, cash out some money and heads up with my mom and dad as simple as we planned.
Suprised my girl, and yes everything turns out as I planned. Thank God everything running so smooth, so fluid.
For the most part, I glad that I make the move to simply fight what on my mind tells me and just follow my heart’s content. If only I loose the battle, I guess, things turns so bad on my side, more over to my family side.
I met my girl, apparently just show up beside her. She was in a total shock but meh, shes fine and happy. I was catching my present in which was herself after all
We got the whole night together like a bird. Roaming the city the next day, beach day and having a blast in the night more over. In the next day, it is time to say goodbye and I pick up my mom and dad coming down from the summit. Having some late evening lunch and just head home for another 250KM whacky long haul drive.
It got me thinking, those ‘off the grid’ saves me. It really do and I glad I fight myself not to be consumed by my own devil.
Once more, I win over me.
Faiz Abidin
