Maybe, just maybe…
Maybe, just maybe I am now plainly wrong about my own self and my own feeling. But I am sure that I am lost an eager to love for simply fall in love to a person that I would call a partner.
For days, my mind kept thinking what happened to me.
Maybe, just maybe past relationships bringing me to a point that loving a person was pointless. I felt horribly heartless for the time being. I just don’t want to blame any people on my past times, on what happend or what they did to me. I don’t. I took blame if I must but in a way, please, I just wanted to fall and loving, again.
Maybe, just maybe I needed more time to recover as the past time hurt me beyond repair. But I confronted a people that in which I purely like and she seems likeable but deep inside the sea of myself, I found no feel of love like I used to feel and submerged before.
It was pain, on a whole another level.
No, I wasn’t that lonely as I could judge the situation of myself.
No, I am not even sad or mourning about past or regret some unreverted moment of my life; not even close.
I was full and happy. I am a lucky bastard that having a beautiful family, friends and people that I cared about giving me 100% percent of them to me, on my bad day – listening to me and just simply we all living a wonderful moments together.
I grab my books, I skating around, having a nice coffee, hanging out, be at place that purely beautiful – just doing things that I love, be with people that I love and just doing things, creating moments together.
But, when comes to a love-partnership, I suddenly lost. A feels a bit of traumatic of some sort where not in a sense that I am afraid but simply I’ve loose it all. That’s a ashame.
Don’t even tell me I am not giving my best on the past time on my relationship or even for myself. I am, I was, giving my very best to certain point that the effort sometimes I couldn’t believe it was me.
“It is me, all along?” I asked my self.
“Yes, it is you, dumbass, and congratulation, we made it!” I answered my self.
Because I know I am not that strong and energetic towards past love to myself and my partner.
Maybe, just maybe I needed more time.
Maybe, just maybe I am hurt beyond repair.
Maybe, just maybe I will fall in love so hard, again.
