March 2019 and it was Yellow.
I was looking at her. She was waiting for me at the hallway. What she’s wearing was always I looked before this. I don’t even care. She could wear the same outfit million times more thru my life and would still love it; a nice black hijab, yellow mustard hoodies with red roses of some sort graphic, black pants, and white slip-on shoes. Glasses on her face perfected her style. She knows I love minimalist-simple kind of style.
She was looked so amazing. I wish I could properly tell you how it feels inside of me. No, the feeling doesn’t touch my heart or even affecting my brain. It is far more than that. It would be crazy but it affects my entire soul. At the most part, I am lucky to have her. The outside is just so fine just like the inside of her. But none of myself catching up the fine self of her. It was kinda disappointing for myself being I that position at some point but yeah, I got what I got; her.
At a point, I think I didn’t deserve her as my partner for the time being. But it was stupid to have that kind of mindset. No, I am lucky for the most part. No, I catch her in order to stay.
One thing, I thanked to her a lot. Why? Before, I was such a jerk. Depression pouring down like heavy rainfall. My brain melts like hot chocolate and myself is no near solid shape. I am the worst of me back then. I admit. I did so many wrong things for myself and people around me. I was naive, narcissistic. I can’t even fix some relationship to my family and my friends. I can’t do love — even for myself. I can’t even doing something that I love. I can’t doing something that purely make me alive. I was lost at that time. Where thinking about dying across my head like a city’s train in the morning. Heavy and full. I was mentally down, financially broke, I lost love-from the one that I need, from the family and the people that I got. I lost trust. No, not to them but to my own self.
Then, there is her. Standing still wanted purely something out of me. Wanted me to be better. No, not for her but for my own self. I would admit, she didn’t know what to do, what to help and what to act in order to fix me. She didn’t get the idea and so did I. But one thing for sure, love always fix a self most of the time. Correctly executed, love — fix a self. Being there always be a hidden gem-an action of care and warmth heart. She is. Loving me the best that she could. She maybe did less, but I felt more. She may be clueless, but I get the idea of life and self uplift. Nothing much, she is magic, a magical tragic that ever happened to me. As she is there, I was taking a step. Not just a hope but an action that has been executed by me in order to relive, regrow as a person that I wanted to.
She is truly amazing.
She amazed me beyond comprehension.
We walked together as the clock keep running forward, the night was pure deep black with no moons. I looking to her face with a pinky skin of her cheek. As I could remember at that time, I have never been into the situation that I truly wanted to her as mine. A moments later I wanted to change what is wrong about myself — I wanted to be better for her.
*My iPhone note — March 2019.*
