It is 1010PM as my time of writing this.
I am currently looking up into the pitch black, clear sky that kinda looks a bit dark purple as the uncounted stars shine with no regret. Some random black cat on my lap. He loves me, so much. We both met each other this afternoon.
Infront of me, just an empty field, few meters ahead of me just a random light content forest with a Northern face of Mount Kinabalu, standing still and silently behind all of it. Silhouette in a beauty look.
The weather is clear and purely calm as the rain already pouring down late in the evening. Earth is damp but nice. The sound of the cold river giving me a certain sense of memories but it is not enough for me to mourn about the past or even to scroll into every bit of it.
I am here, sitting on a plastic chair, writing this in my iPhone note, with a plain marron t-shirt, mountain Lowe Alpine pants and Salomon hiking shoes.
It is cold, but seems like I didn’t need my jacket.
The best part is, for now, I am looking to a beautiful scenery that maybe my last view. More over, I didn’t shoot; looking for an excellent image just to fill my lovely time.
The ringing sound of bugs kinda annoys me most of the time before this but in this particular calm night, it is music to my ears. Harmony in a symphony.
At this very time, I miss photography. I mean, I continue my work as usual but none of it is pure love actually. Maybe it is not a right word to describe it. I rent some gear, I borrowed some decent camera just to fill the void love of myself.
I shouldn’t do this, I mean, to stop.
The last time I shoot a photo with very my own gear was like in December 2016. Consider it is long and gone. After that, all my works just depend on how much money I got to rent a lens and camera body or simply if my friends have any gear lying around their bed to be borrowed.
At this very time, I am on my family trip. There are 30 person plus of us. It is great, honestly. Cooking some instant noodle and ate together, dancing, some high pitch voices of moms that scold their kids and changing tent places here and there almost like 3 times just for today. Not to mention, submerged our body into cold river flows. It is crazy but it is wonderful times.
I am glad, so glad that I made it till today. Continue living my ass off, beating my problem and mainly my depression till this very night infront such a beautiful scenery that holds static just like an image.
To my depression, please, I didn’t need you. I mean, I do. For the most part, maybe, just maybe there is some valid reasons why I felt this, this depression of mine. Maybe, just maybe, this is what making me, as me, as strong as I am.
For myself, go get back into photography, the real photography of you. Keep doing what you love to do. Skate with friends. Buy some decent books, drink coffee if you need it. Love your family as they are the last vanguard to help you along the way. Keep loving and doing good to your friends in whatever circumstances, in whatever mood that you’re in, in what hell you’re going through. Keep loving, keep going. They need your kindness. They really do.
Go out and hike up, keep the adventure and outdoor soul, going.
Keep your relationship going. Do the best, for the rest. She is the love after all. None of the past matters. None of the history important. None of it worth to repeated. But indeed she is the one that open up new possibilies, new story to a book of life and indeed, it will last. It will be.
Keep finding money, pay up shit and spend up shit. Be happy.
Godspeed and goodluck to you.
Note : the scenery still beautiful, static; by the end of this writing.
End of writing, 1033PM.
